Tag / Suicide and men

by Therapy place uk

Living life by numbers … and the midlife crisis

Numbers_edited-1Living life by numbers … and the midlife crisis

May 7 2016

Conveniently, for lovers of statistics, the Canadian-born psychologist and social analyst Elliot Jaques – who coined the term “midlife crisis”* – died at the age of 86. I say ‘conveniently’ because his lifespan correlates so well with modern statistical expressions about the mid-point of life. As examples of this, the World Health Organization revealed in 2013 (the most recent figures available) that life expectancy for the average UK citizen is 83 years, and a 2015 report from the Economic Journal revealed that life satisfaction gradually declines throughout the early part of adulthood, reaching a low between the ages of 40 and 42 – so close to Dr Jaques’ midlife point.

The difficulty with reporting averages and statistics about human life is that it can obscure life-lived experience and meaning. If we expect a ‘midlife crisis’ to occur at a certain age, then we will be likely to attribute all negative experiences and challenges to that age rather than to the actual experience triggers and events we are living through at that point in time.

Our later 30s and 40s can be especially difficult times, not particularly because of our age, but because of the responsibility life tends to have assumed. In contrast to childhood – a time when the vast majority of people will have been nurtured, protected and cared for by other people – 35 to 50 year-olds generally have to work hard to support themselves and other family members. And with these struggles come other issues – including depression, anxiety and the realisation that time is passing quickly.

It seems that headline statistics as reported in the media tell us very little about the real nature of a person’s issues – although they do appear to make people feel unhappy when they don’t live up to the ideal average. And how do we, as individuals, ever know when midlife will be? For some, 50 will be the figure they never reached; for a few – take, for instance, therapist Hedda Bolgar** who, aged 102, still worked four days a week – that midpoint would not yet have been reached.

I remember sitting on the sofa with my mother listening to the radio on the eve of my 10th birthday, feeling sad that it didn’t matter how long I would go on to live “I could never count my life in single digits again”. While I didn’t realize it at the time, I was actually making an observation that the middle of life can only be seen on reflection, since the truth of it all is that we are actually continually positioned at the extreme end of our lives. This is as true today at the start of my 51st year as it was at the conclusion of my ninth.

Crises can happen at any time of life and it’s important to see each crisis for what it is – and act accordingly. Then, perhaps we can aim for 45 joyous, rather than a total of 90 miserable, years.

* Elliot Jaques (1965) Death and the Midlife Crisis

** http://www.today.com/id/45287411/ns/today-today_people/t/age-therapist-still-psyched/

by Therapy place uk

Suicide rates: can you get the men in your life talking?

BlogSuicide

Suicide rates: can you get the men in your life talking?

22 April 2015

Seven years ago I wrote on the men’s page for Therapy-space Cambridge that ‘thankfully, (with the exception of 2008) in the UK male suicide rates have been falling since 1998’. However, the latest figures released in 2015 by the Office for National Statistics make for sobering reading, given it reports that the number of suicides in the UK has once again risen and the rate for males is the highest it has been for 14 years.

Since I wrote that previous men’s page, male suicide rates have increased significantly, while female rates have stayed relatively constant and have remained lower than those for men.

Looking at past statistics shows that rates for male suicide in 1981 stood at 63% of the total UK rate, but in 2013 the figure had risen to 78%. The increase in the male figure has been a steady one by comparison to female rates.

If you are a male, aged between 30 and 74 but particularly if you are between 45 and 59, then it’s time to start talking because suicide rates in your age group are the highest in the UK. If you are the partner of a man who is depressed, now would be a good time to get him to realise that there’s no stigma in asking for help. Whether it’s talking online or on the telephone to the Samaritans, visiting the family GP or booking a session with a therapist (face to face or via Skype), let’s get men talking: it might just save a life.